Lightning Love

Have you ever met someone whose very presence hits you like a bus? You walk away from your time with this person changed either in a catastrophic sense or for the better. In my case, it was earth shattering in the worst way.

I had a relationship in my past that I refer to as my “lightening love”. We met and ZING!!! I was a goner. Completely head over heels in love. I was convinced with every cell in my body that we were going to get married and have babies and do the whole Disney Princess movie thing. I was SO convinced, in fact, that I blatantly ignored the many blaring red flags that popped up almost weekly. I always had an excuse for him on hand. Well, he doesn’t do this because of that. Or he loves me but he hasn’t had a good relationship yet so he doesn’t really know how to behave. You know the drill here ladies.

When he broke up with me over the phone (how lame right?), I was devastated. I burned. My whole world burned down. He had struck me like lightening. ZING!!! Toast. There one minute, gone the next. I begged God for answers. How could someone that I had given my heart to just throw it away like that? He PROMISED he was different. He PROMISED he was better. How could he have done that to me? I had a million questions.

Proverbs 4: 23

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

When I ran into that relationship I didn’t consider for one second what God wanted. I was led 100% by feelings. Emotions. THE FEELS. I got wrapped up in the hazy drunk feeling of first loves. I didn’t stop to guard my heart or consider if this what God really wanted in my life.

1 Corinthians 13 (a must-read) explains the many wonderful virtues of love but this wasn’t the love I was experiencing. I had a different problem. The problem was that my heart wasn’t aligned with God’s will for my life. My heart was left unguarded and ZING!! Lightning love. I left my emotions out in the open, flapping in the wind where anyone could come and affect them. That experience changed me in so many ways.

I look back and I’m actually very thankful for my “lightning love”. Like I said, I’m not perfect and I’m not sure I’d invite this dude out for a cup of coffee or anything quite yet but I was able to forgive him (over a LONG period of time). God placed him in my life for a reason. It was the lesson I needed to learn. I needed to align my life with the will of God and ask God to protect me in every single way. I needed to learn that no matter how “in love” with whoever I am, I love God first and foremost and His Holy Presence should be the focus of any relationship I enter into. My lightning love actually completely changed what I looked for in a man and God really used my heartbreak to grow closer to Him. God uses your MESS to bring you a MESSAGE.

Even know as I wait on God’s promises, I pray for Him to guard my heart. Even if I’m just crushing hard on someone, please guard my heart Lord. Don’t let me led into something by feelings, where I can lose my focus on the Lord and be burned all over again. Trust me, once you’re hit by lightening once, it’s not something you want to experience again. I encourage all my single gal pals outchere to really mediate and pray on the verse above. Guard your heart so you can remain unshakeable and unwavering while you seek God’s presence.

I’m super mad at my husband right now. And I’m single.

I’m mad at my husband and I’m not even married yet.

Lemme backtrack real quick. Yes, I’m single, in the most sincere term of the word. I don’t have a boyfriend but at this moment in time I’m super annoyed with my future husband.

In November 2016, I looked around my immediate circle of friends and realized everyone was either married or on their way to the alter. I had always believed I would forever be the drunk, single aunt at the family parties. I genuinely believed that I would eventually get married and maybe it would work out. It wasn’t a priority or something I even thought about often. I was just waiting for the next emotionally unavailable, tattooed artist-type to come around and play with my feelings. Around this time, I recharged my relationship with the Lord and He really put it in my heart to begin praying for my future husband.

Mark 11: 24

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

God had done a major overhaul of what I looked for in a man (that’s another post for another time dear) and I knew with certainty that I needed to pray, and pray without ceasing for my future man. At first, I began praying maybe once or twice a week for God to just provide him to me. Yes, I said to God, “can you just like, give him to me? Like, soon?” Since I had never ever prayed for a relationship before, I thought that was the basic gist of it. As I matured spiritually, and had a very eye-opening dinner with a friend, I realized this wasn’t very specific. I became more comfortable with praying and how it felt. I started really thinking about the man I wanted to have in my life. My prayers changed as my heart changed.

I pray for my husband on an almost daily basis now. I ask God to protect him, inspire him, comfort him, and prepare our hearts for each other. At times, I see myself embracing the pastel cardigan-wearing super Christian who speaks very softly and only listens to hymns. Then I snap out of it and get mad at my future hubby. DOES HE EVEN KNOW I EXIST?!?! Lemme get real y’all, its not easy to pray for something consistently without any signs of change or progress. I lose patience. I get frustrated. Is this dude even praying for me on the other side of the spectrum? Is he just sitting in his house playing video games, while I’m busting my spiritual butt over here? Am I supposed to just sit here and wait for him to realize the mega-blessing that I am? Have I even met him yet? HELLO?!?! It almost makes a girl join ChristianMingle!! Almost. Let’s relax.

The reality is that I have trouble waiting in the Lord. I live in 2017 and I want it NOW. What do I do? Should I try to jump ahead of God’s plan and pursue something my own way? The way that’s failed a million times before and left me WRECKED? In honesty, I look to the Bible and to my friends. I was inspired by the book of Ruth (an inspiration for us single ladies everywhere) but it wasn’t so much her story that comforts me. It was Naomi. Her life was barren after her two sons and husband died. Through Ruth’s faithfulness and God’s blessing, Naomi became part of the geneology of Jesus Christ. She thought her whole life was over, only to have it renewed and overflowing abundantly in a way she never expected. That’s what keeps me strong. I know that God’s blessings are FULL CIRCLE. They are so much more than we can ever imagine. They surpass all our expectations. God is not only preparing my husband, but He is molding and shaping me into becoming a more patient woman. I have full faith that this epic love story God has in store for me is going to be unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.

So yes, I continue to pray for my husband, whoever he is. I’m learning discipline, patience, and faithfulness in the meantime. I take very deep breaths at times, and remind myself through whispered thoughts of God’s promise in my life. I try really hard to keep my eyes on the Lord instead of the super sappy loved up instagram pictures that flood my feed. My time will come. Our time will come.