I’m mad at my husband and I’m not even married yet.
Lemme backtrack real quick. Yes, I’m single, in the most sincere term of the word. I don’t have a boyfriend but at this moment in time I’m super annoyed with my future husband.
In November 2016, I looked around my immediate circle of friends and realized everyone was either married or on their way to the alter. I had always believed I would forever be the drunk, single aunt at the family parties. I genuinely believed that I would eventually get married and maybe it would work out. It wasn’t a priority or something I even thought about often. I was just waiting for the next emotionally unavailable, tattooed artist-type to come around and play with my feelings. Around this time, I recharged my relationship with the Lord and He really put it in my heart to begin praying for my future husband.
Mark 11: 24
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
God had done a major overhaul of what I looked for in a man (that’s another post for another time dear) and I knew with certainty that I needed to pray, and pray without ceasing for my future man. At first, I began praying maybe once or twice a week for God to just provide him to me. Yes, I said to God, “can you just like, give him to me? Like, soon?” Since I had never ever prayed for a relationship before, I thought that was the basic gist of it. As I matured spiritually, and had a very eye-opening dinner with a friend, I realized this wasn’t very specific. I became more comfortable with praying and how it felt. I started really thinking about the man I wanted to have in my life. My prayers changed as my heart changed.
I pray for my husband on an almost daily basis now. I ask God to protect him, inspire him, comfort him, and prepare our hearts for each other. At times, I see myself embracing the pastel cardigan-wearing super Christian who speaks very softly and only listens to hymns. Then I snap out of it and get mad at my future hubby. DOES HE EVEN KNOW I EXIST?!?! Lemme get real y’all, its not easy to pray for something consistently without any signs of change or progress. I lose patience. I get frustrated. Is this dude even praying for me on the other side of the spectrum? Is he just sitting in his house playing video games, while I’m busting my spiritual butt over here? Am I supposed to just sit here and wait for him to realize the mega-blessing that I am? Have I even met him yet? HELLO?!?! It almost makes a girl join ChristianMingle!! Almost. Let’s relax.
The reality is that I have trouble waiting in the Lord. I live in 2017 and I want it NOW. What do I do? Should I try to jump ahead of God’s plan and pursue something my own way? The way that’s failed a million times before and left me WRECKED? In honesty, I look to the Bible and to my friends. I was inspired by the book of Ruth (an inspiration for us single ladies everywhere) but it wasn’t so much her story that comforts me. It was Naomi. Her life was barren after her two sons and husband died. Through Ruth’s faithfulness and God’s blessing, Naomi became part of the geneology of Jesus Christ. She thought her whole life was over, only to have it renewed and overflowing abundantly in a way she never expected. That’s what keeps me strong. I know that God’s blessings are FULL CIRCLE. They are so much more than we can ever imagine. They surpass all our expectations. God is not only preparing my husband, but He is molding and shaping me into becoming a more patient woman. I have full faith that this epic love story God has in store for me is going to be unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
So yes, I continue to pray for my husband, whoever he is. I’m learning discipline, patience, and faithfulness in the meantime. I take very deep breaths at times, and remind myself through whispered thoughts of God’s promise in my life. I try really hard to keep my eyes on the Lord instead of the super sappy loved up instagram pictures that flood my feed. My time will come. Our time will come.